


Zero Degrees Celsius

by seekingsquake



Series: (we don't have to) talk, dance, smile, make friends [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, mentions of marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 22:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20610560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingsquake/pseuds/seekingsquake
Summary: Isabella wakes up and JJ isn't beside her.





	Zero Degrees Celsius

**Author's Note:**

> Posted to Tumblr back in 2017. This version has gone through some minor editing.

_ **Bzz bzz bzz. Bzz bzz bzz.** _

"JJ," she mumbles, face mashed into her pillow.

_ **Bzz bzz bzz. Bzz bzz bzz.** _

"JJ, get that." It's too early. He doesn't usually sleep through his alarm, but they did get home late last night and he had had a few drinks. But just because he wants to get up at ass o'clock in the morning every day doesn't mean Isabella has to also.

The buzzing of the cellphone gives way to the shrill blare of his backup alarm, and she can hear that the phone is jittering itself across the surface of the bedside table.

"JJ, for God's sake--" She flings back the blanket and aims her knee at his side, but when she lifts her head she sees that he isn't in bed with her. She leans across space where his body should be and grabs his phone, dismissing the alarm. He's missed a couple of messages from Otabek and a phone call from Arthur, and she frowns at the screen.

It's still pitch black outside, but that's to be expected in November. There's no snow, but since they've moved out west they've been told to expect mostly rain all through winter.

She misses Montreal. They're barely getting by here. But JJ had needed some space from his parents, and Isabella had wanted to keep him from running off to Russia like he did that one time, so.

At least they're still in Canada. At least they're together.

She puts his phone down on his pillow, and then toes into her slippers before making her way out into the main room. The kitchen light is on, and the stereo is playing softly, but JJ is sitting out on the deck.

"Are you smoking a joint without me?"

They both know that he isn't. They only smoke pot when he suggests it, and the tell-tale scent of BC bud is too faint to be coming from their patio. She doesn't feel good about the fact that he's been awake for an indeterminate amount of time, alone, nursing a cigarette.

"Don't look at me like that," he mutters, eyes out and distant. He sounds a little dreamy.

She leans against the sliding door and the cold of the glass seeps through the hoodie that she fell asleep in. The door is only open about a centimetre. "Come inside," she says, and she shoulders the door open a little more. "Put that out." He only ever smokes half a cigarette at a time, and just when he really can't get to sleep. But this is the third time she's caught him out here like this this week alone, and there's only so much she can let him get away with.

He listens. Slowly, like there's sleep leaking out of his bones, he snuffs out the smoke and moves into the apartment. His skin is cold as he brushes past her, and she closes and locks the door as he wanders into the kitchen. "Do you want food?"

She shouldn't eat now if she's going to head back to bed, but cooking would give him something to do. "Maybe just an egg on toast. Otabek was messaging you."

JJ only grunts softly in response as he puts a pan on the back burner.

"Arthur called, too."

He cracks three eggs into the pan without making a sound.

"Jayje."

His shoulders creep up to his ears, and his chin drops to his chest. He's shaking a little, and she hears his breath hitch, and she aches. She wants to reach for him, but if she touches him now she's afraid he'll fall to pieces in her hands. "I can't," he whispers, eyes closed. "Not today."

They can't afford to not go to work, but. Isabella's been worried that JJ's been on a fast track to burnout for _years, _and he's been off-kilter ever since he returned from his week with Otabek and Yuri Plisetsky. She isn't about to let him push himself today, and she's too--

She isn't scared, but. It feels wrong, somehow, to leave him alone.

"Okay."

"Will it always feel like this?" He pops some bread into the toaster, flips two of the eggs, leaves the third yolk-up. His voice is raw, but she knows that if he doesn't put in the effort to appear entirely and totally polished, _everything _about him is raw. She knows anxiety sometimes keeps him awake, and when he gets tired he gets trapped in feeling trapped. She knows that he hasn't taken his medication yet, and she's beginning to suspect that maybe he missed yesterday.

"I don't know. But there's only one way to find out."

"Be there," he says, mostly to himself, and when the toaster pops his shoulders relax a little.

"Yeah," she tells him. "Thank you."

Maybe she's talking about breakfast, but maybe she's talking about the fact that he understands what needs to be done. Things are tough, but. There's only one way to know if it gets better. It's not in his nature to give up, but it's nice to hear him articulate that.

When he turns back to her, he manages a smile. "Wanna eat in bed?"

She grins. "Always." Hopefully, after he eats something she'll be able to lull him into sleep. She'll have to call both their bosses before she passes back out, but they have a little bit of time. Some days, that's all you get. 

It's good that some days that's good enough. 


End file.
